Los Angeles Times
July 29, 2004
The Democratic delegates in Boston are trying hard to be as sober, moderate and
unexciting as a case study at the Kennedy School of Government. They don't want
any unseemly emotions about the incumbent president to mar media coverage of
their convocation. But if they were being honest, in their heart of hearts,
they would have to admit … they love George W. Bush.
Oh, I know
they have a funny way of showing it. But remember how back in grade school,
when a boy had a crush on a girl he would pull her pigtails? That's the
Democrats and Dubya. Sure, they may compare him to Adolf Hitler — at
least they do when they're not in Boston — but, admit it, fellas, you
really like the big lug in the Oval Office.
Politics is pretty boring
unless you can be on the front lines, combating the forces of evil. It's fun to
work yourself up into a righteous lather and imagine that you and your friends
are the only thing preventing the dark night of fascism from descending. It's
exciting to imagine that you are braving Uberfuhrer John Ashcroft's attempts to
suppress dissent — especially when, unlike real dissidents in places like
Burma and Iran, you don't face any actual danger.
It's fun, and
profitable too. The Democrats may be right when they say the Bush recovery has
delivered most of its benefits to the "rich." What they neglect to mention is
how many liberal rabble-rousers are now in that category, thanks to the
president.
That hoary old Stalinist organ, the Nation, has seen
circulation soar more than 50% since Bush took office. It actually made a
profit last year. Isn't that politically incorrect? Michael Moore is making
out like Louis B. Mayer, raking in more than a hundred million smackeroos with
a film (I hesitate to call it a documentary) that implies Bush invaded
Afghanistan at the behest of Big Oil. It may not make any sense, but who can
argue with the bottom line?
Half the books on the New York Times
bestseller list seem to have titles like "Worse Than Ebola: The Bush Virus
Infects America." Every two-bit leftist hack is picking up royalty checks that
would make John Updike blush. Anti-Bush "527" organizations like MoveOn and
America Coming Together are raising money as if they were Google.
Naturally, when opportunity is in the air, Hollywood picks up the scent. Every
C-list has-been — yes, that means you, Linda Ronstadt; you too, Whoopi
— is lining up to take a whack at the Bush piñata in hopes of landing
a better gig than "Hollywood Squares." At this rate, Charo will soon be
protesting the Patriot Act.
If liberals want to know how good they have
it these days, they should talk to some conservatives. The right can look back
nostalgically on the Clinton presidency as a golden age when anyone with a
conspiracy theory involving mysterious doings in Arkansas could land a
six-figure book deal and a radio show. It wasn't long ago that the American
Spectator was having the kind of run now being enjoyed by the Nation.
And, then, wham!
The election of Bush was for conservative activists
what the crash of 2000 was for high-tech investors. Crazy right-wing
polemicists have been elbowed off the sales charts by crazy left-wing
polemicists. Conservatives are left to grumble quietly about all the things
that Bush has done to make them unhappy — from his unwillingness to invite
Tom DeLay to grace prime time at the upcoming GOP convention to his willingness
to spend your tax dollars as if he were running a dot-com circa 1999. But the
right can't roar too loudly, because, after all, Bush is their guy. They
have to protect him.
The left may find itself in the same
uncomfortable position before long. If John Kerry wins, he'll inherit a deficit
large enough to preclude the kind of vast new social programs demanded by his
base. Congress probably will be so divided that he won't be able to legislate
much of anything. The United States will still have troops in Iraq that Kerry
will be hard-pressed to remove, even thou gh 95% of Democratic delegates say
they oppose the war. And there remains a strong likelihood of a terrorist
attack that will force Kerry into a more forceful response than joining hands
and singing "We Are the World."
Bottom line: Governing is a drag. It
involves compromises and trade-offs that, to zealots, always seem to be
sellouts. Protest is much more fun. If the partygoers in Boston know what's
good for them, they'll have the time of their lives between now and November,
hootin' and hollerin' about Bush, and then quietly vote to give the ol' fascist
four more years.