THE PONTIFICAL COUNCIL FOR THE FAMILY
THE TRUTH AND MEANING OF
HUMAN SEXUALITY

Guide-lines for Education within the Family

ROME 1995

INTRODUCTION

The Situation and the Problem

1.	 Among the many difficulties parents encounter today, despite different
social contexts, one certainly stands out: giving children an adequate
preparation for adult life, particularly with regard to education in the
true meaning of sexuality. There are many reasons for this difficulty and
not all of them are new.
	In the past, even when the family did not provide specific sexual
education, the general culture was permeated by respect for fundamental
values and hence served to protect and maintain them.  In the greater part
of society, both in developed and developing countries, the decline of
traditional models has left children deprived of consistent and positive
guidance, while parents find themselves unprepared to provide adequate
answers. This new context is made worse by what we observe: an eclipse of
the truth about man which, among other things, exerts pressure to reduce
sex to something commonplace. In this area, society and the mass media most
of the time provide depersonalized, recreational and often pessimistic
information. Moreover, this information does not take into account the
different stages of formation and development of children and young people,
and it is influenced by a distorted individualistic concept of freedom, in
an ambience lacking the basic values of life, human love and the family.
	Then the school, making itself available to carry out programmes of sex
education, has often done this by taking the place of the family and, most
of the time, with the aim of only providing information.  Sometimes this
really leads to the deformation of consciences.  In many cases parents have
given up their duty in this field or agreed to delegate it to others,
because of the difficulty and their own lack of preparation.
	In such a situation, many Catholic parents turn to the Church to take up
the task of providing guidance and suggestions for educating their
children, especially in the phase of childhood and adolescence. At times,
parents themselves have brought up their difficulties when they are
confronted by teaching given at school and thus brought into the home by
their children.  The Pontifical Council for the Family has received
repeated and pressing requests to provide guide-lines in support of parents
in this delicate area of education.

2.	Aware of this family dimension of education for love and for living
one's own sexuality properly and conscious of the unique "experience of
humanity" of the community of believers, our Council wishes to put forward
pastoral guide-lines, drawing on the wisdom which comes from the Word of the
Lord and the values which illuminate the teaching of the Church.
	Therefore, above all, we wish to tie this help for parents to fundamental
content about the truth and meaning of sex, within the framework of a
genuine and rich anthropology. In offering this truth, we are aware that
"every one who is of the truth" (John 18: 37) hears the word of the One who
is the Truth in Person (cf. John 14: 6).
	This guide is meant to be neither a treatise of moral theology nor a
compendium of psychology.  But it does owe much to the gains of science, to
the socio-cultural conditions of the family, and to the proclamation of
gospel values which are always new and can be incarnated in a concrete way
in every age.

3.	In this field, the Church is strengthened by some unquestionable
certainties that have also guided the preparation of this document.
	Love is a gift of God, nourished by and expressed in the encounter of man
and woman. Love is thus a positive force directed towards their growth
towards maturity as persons. In the plan of life which represents each
person's vocation, love is also a precious source for the self-giving which
all men and women are called to make for their own self-realization and
happiness. In fact, man is called to love as an incarnate spirit, that is
soul and body in the unity of the person. Human love hence embraces the
body, and the body also expresses spiritual love.1  Therefore, sexuality is
not something purely biological, rather it concerns the intimate nucleus of
the person. The use of sexuality as physical giving has its own truth and
reaches its full meaning when it expresses the personal giving of man and
woman even unto death.  As with the whole of the person's life, love is
exposed to the frailty brought about by original sin, a frailty experienced
today in many socio-cultural contexts marked by strong negative influences,
at times deviant and traumatic.  Nevertheless, the Lord's Redemption has
made the positive practice of chastity into something that is really
possible and a motive for joy, both for those who have the vocation to
marriage (before, in the time of preparation, and afterwards, in the course
of married life) as well as for those who have the gift of a special
calling to the consecrated life.

4.	In the light of the Redemption and how adolescents and young people are
formed, the virtue of chastity is found within temperance - a cardinal
virtue elevated and enriched by grace in baptism. So chastity is not to be
understood as a repressive attitude. On the contrary, chastity should be
understood rather as the purity and temporary stewardship of a precious and
rich gift of love, in view of the self-giving realized in each person's
specific vocation.  Chastity is thus that "spiritual energy capable of
defending love from the perils of selfishness and aggressiveness, and able
to advance it towards its full realization".2
	The Catechism of the Catholic Church describes and in a sense defines
chastity in this way: "Chastity means the successful integration of
sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily
and spiritual being".3

5.	In the framework of educating the young person for self-realization and
self-giving, formation for chastity implies the collaboration first and
foremost of the parents, as is the case with formation for the other
virtues such as temperance, fortitude and prudence. Chastity cannot exist
as a virtue without the capacity to renounce self, to make sacrifices and
to wait.
	In giving life, parents cooperate with the creative power of God and
receive the gift of a new responsibility - not only to feed their children
and satisfy their material and cultural needs, but above all to pass on to
them the lived truth of the faith and to educate them in love of God and
neighbour.  This is the parents' first duty in the heart of the "domestic
church".4
	The Church has always affirmed that parents have the duty and the right to
be the first and the principal educators of their children.
	Taking up the teaching of the Second Vatican Council, the Catechism of the
Catholic Church says: "It is imperative to give suitable and timely
instruction to young people, above all in the heart of their own families,
about the dignity of married love, its role and its exercise".5

6.	The challenges raised today by the mentality and social environment
should not discourage parents.  In fact it is worth recalling that
Christians have had to face up to similar challenges of materialistic
hedonism from the time of the first evangelization.  Moreover, "This kind
of critical reflection should lead our society, which certainly contains
many positive aspects on the material and cultural level, to realize that,
from various points of view, it is a society which is sick and is creating
profound distortions in man.  Why is this happening?  The reason is that
our society has broken away from the full truth about man, from the truth
about what man and woman really are as persons. Thus it cannot adequately
comprehend the real meaning of the gift of persons in marriage, responsible
love at the service of fatherhood and motherhood, and the true grandeur of
procreation and education".6

7.	Therefore the educative work of parents is indispensable for, "If it is
true that by giving life parents share in God's creative work, it is also
true that by raising their children they become sharers in his paternal and
at the same time maternal way of teaching......  Through Christ all
education, within the family, and outside of it, becomes part of God's own
saving pedagogy, which is addressed to individuals and families and
culminates in the Paschal Mystery of the Lord's Death and Resurrection".7
	In their at times delicate and arduous task, parents must not let
themselves become discouraged, rather they should place their trust in the
help of God the Creator and Christ the Redeemer. They should remember that
the Church prays for them with the words that Pope Saint Clement I raised
to the Lord for all who bear authority in his name: "Grant to them, Lord,
health, peace, concord and stability, so that they may exercise without
offence the sovereignty that you have given them. Master, heavenly King of
the ages, you give glory, honour and power over the things of the earth to
the sons of men.  Direct, Lord, their counsel, following what is pleasing
and acceptable in your sight, so that by exercising with devotion and in
peace and gentleness the power that you have given to them, they may find
favour with you".8
	On the other hand, having given and welcomed life in an atmosphere of
love, parents are rich in an educative potential which no one else
possesses.  In a unique way they know their own children; they know them in
their unrepeatable identity and by experience they possess the secrets and
the resources of true love.


I
CALLED TO TRUE LOVE

8.	As the image of God, man is created for love. This truth was fully
revealed to us in the New Testament, together with the mystery of the inner
life of the Trinity: "God is love (1 John 4: 8) and in himself he lives a
mystery of personal loving communion. Creating the human race in his own
image....  God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation, and
thus the capacity and responsibility, of love and communion. Love is
therefore the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being."9  The
whole meaning of true freedom, and self-control which follows from it, is
thus directed towards self-giving in communion and friendship with God and
with others.10

Human Love as Self-Giving

9.	The person is thus capable of a higher kind of love than concupiscence,
which only sees objects as a means to satisfy one's appetites; the person
is capable rather of friendship and self-giving, with the capacity to
recognize and love persons for themselves.  Like the love of God, this is a
love capable of generosity.  One desires the good of the other because he
or she is recognized as worthy of being loved.  This is a love which
generates communion between persons, because each considers the good of the
other as his or her own good.  This is a self-giving made to one who loves
us, a self-giving whose inherent goodness is discovered and activated in
the communion of persons and where one learns the value of loving and of
being loved.
	Each person is called to love as friendship and self-giving. Each person
is freed from the tendency to selfishness by the love of others, in the
first place by parents or those who take their place and, definitively, by
God, from whom all true love proceeds and in whose love alone does man
discover to what extent he is loved.  Here we find the root of the
educative power of Christianity: "Humanity is loved by God! This very
simple yet profound proclamation is owed to humanity by the Church."11. In
this way Christ has revealed his true identity to man: "Christ the new
Adam, in the very revelation of the mystery of the Father and of his love,
fully reveals man to himself and brings to light his most high calling."12
	The love revealed by Christ "which the Apostle Paul celebrates in the
First Letter to the Corinthians...   is certainly a demanding love. But this
is precisely the source of its beauty: by the very fact that it is
demanding, it builds up the true good of man and allows it to radiate to
others."13  Therefore it is a love which respects and builds up the person
because "Love is true when it creates the good of persons and of
communities; it creates that good and gives it to others."14

Love and Human Sexuality

10.	Man is called to love and to self-giving in the unity of body and
spirit. Femininity and masculinity are complementary gifts, through which
human sexuality is an integrating part of the concrete capacity for love
which God has inscribed in man and woman. "Sexuality is a fundamental
component of personality, one of its modes of being, of manifestation, of
communicating with others, of feeling, of expressing and of living human
love."15  This capacity for love as self-giving is thus "incarnated" in the
nuptial meaning of the body, which bears the imprint of the person's
masculinity and femininity. "The human body, with its sex, and its
masculinity and femininity, seen in the very mystery of creation, is not
only a source of fruitfulness and procreation, as in the whole natural
order, but includes right 'from the beginning' the 'nuptial' attribute,
that is, the capacity of expressing love: that love precisely in which the
man-person becomes a gift and - by means of this gift - fulfils the very
meaning of his being and existence."16  Every form of love will always bear
this masculine and feminine character.

11. 	Human sexuality is thus a good, part of that created gift which God
saw as being "very good", when he created the human person in his image and
likeness, and "male and female he created them" (Genesis 1:27). Insofar as
it is a way of relating and being open to others, sexuality has love as its
intrinsic end, more precisely, love as donation and acceptance, love as
giving and receiving. The relationship between a man and a woman is
essentially a relationship of love: "Sexuality, oriented, elevated and
integrated by love acquires truly human quality."17  When such love exists
in marriage, self-giving expresses, through the body, the complementarity
and totality of the gift. Married love thus becomes a power which enriches
persons and makes them grow and, at the same time, it contributes to
building up the civilization of love. But when the sense and meaning of
gift is lacking in sexuality, a "civilization of things and not of persons"
takes over, "a civilization in which persons are used in the same way as
things are used. In the context of a civilization of use, woman can become
an object for man, children a hindrance to parents..."18

12.	The gift of God: this great truth and basic fact stands at the centre
of the Christian conscience of parents and their children.  Here we refer
to the gift which God has given us in calling us to life, to exist as man
or woman in an unrepeatable existence, full of endless possibilities for
growing spiritually and morally: "human life is a gift received in order
then to be given as a gift."19  "In fact the gift reveals, so to speak, a
particular characteristic of human existence, or rather, of the very
essence of the person. When God Yahweh says that 'it is not good that man
should be alone' (Genesis 2:18), he affirms that 'alone', man does not
completely realize his existence. He realizes it only by existing 'with
some one' - and even more deeply and completely: by existing 'for some
one'."20   Married love is fulfilled in openness to the other person and in
self-giving, taking the form of a total gift that belongs to this state of
life. Moreover, the vocation to the consecrated life always finds its
meaning in self-giving, sustained by a special grace, the gift of oneself
"to God alone with an undivided heart in a remarkable manner"21 in order to
serve him more fully in the Church. Therefore, in every condition and state
of life, this gift comes to be ever more wondrous by redeeming grace,
through which we become "partakers of the divine nature" (2 Peter 1:4) and
are called to live the supernatural communion of love together with God and
with our brothers and sisters. Even in the most delicate situations,
Christian parents cannot forget that the gift of God is there, at the very
basis of all personal and family history.

13. 	"As an incarnate spirit, that is, a soul which expresses itself in a
body and a body informed by an immortal spirit, man is called to love in
his unified totality. Love includes the human body, and the body is made a
sharer in spiritual love."22  The meaning of sexuality itself is to be
understood in the light of Christian Revelation: "Sexuality characterizes
man and woman not only on the physical level, but also on the psychological
and spiritual, making its mark on each of their expressions. Such
diversity, linked to the complementarity of the two sexes, allows thorough
response to the design of God according to the vocation to which each one
is called."23

Married Love
14.	When love is lived out in marriage, it includes and surpasses
friendship. Love between a man and woman is achieved when they give
themselves totally, each in turn according to their own masculinity and
femininity, founding on the marriage covenant that communion of persons
where God has willed that human life be conceived, grow and develop.  To
this married love, and to this love alone, belongs sexual giving, "realized
in a truly human way only if it is an integral part of the love by which a
man and a woman commit themselves totally to one another until death."24
The Catechism of the Catholic Church recalls: "In marriage the physical
intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion.
Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the sacrament."25

Love Open to Life

15.	The revealing sign of authentic married love is openness to life: "In
its most profound reality, love is essentially a gift; and conjugal love,
while leading the spouses to the reciprocal 'knowledge'....  does not end
with the couple, because it makes them capable of the greatest possible
gift, the gift by which they become cooperators with God for giving life to
a new human person. Thus the couple, while giving themselves to one
another, give not just themselves but also the reality of children, who are
a living reflection of their love, a permanent sign of conjugal unity and a
living and inseparable synthesis of their being a father and a mother."26
>From this communion of love and life spouses draw that human and spiritual
richness and that positive atmosphere for offering their children the
support of education for love and chastity.
II
TRUE LOVE AND CHASTITY

16.	As we will later observe, virginal and married love are the two forms
in which the person's call to love is fulfilled. In order for both to
develop, they require the commitment to live chastity, in conformity with
each person's own state of life. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church
says, sexuality "becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated
into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and mutual
lifelong gift of a man and a woman."27  Insofar as it entails sincere
self-giving, it is obvious that growth in love is helped by that discipline
of the feelings, passions and emotions which leads us to self-mastery. One
cannot give what one does not possess. If the person is not master of self
- through the virtues and, in a concrete way, through chastity - he or she
lacks that self-possession which makes self-giving possible. Chastity is
the spiritual power which frees love from selfishness and aggression. To
the degree that a person weakens chastity, his or her love becomes more and
more selfish, that is, satisfying a desire for pleasure and no longer
self-giving.

Chastity as Self-Giving

17. 	Chastity is the joyous affirmation of someone who knows how to live
self-giving, free from any form of self-centred slavery. This presupposes
that the person has learnt how to accept other people, to relate with them,
while respecting their dignity in diversity. The chaste person is not
self-centred, not involved in selfish relationships with other people.
Chastity makes the personality harmonious. It matures it and fills it with
inner peace. This purity of mind and body helps develop true self-respect
and at the same time makes one capable of respecting others, because it
makes one see in them persons to reverence,  insofar as they are created in
the image of God and through grace are children of God, re-created by
Christ who "called you out of darkness into his marvellous light" (1 Peter
2:9).

Self-Mastery

18.	"Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a
training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his
passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and
becomes unhappy."28  Every person knows, by experience, that chastity
requires rejecting certain thoughts, words and sinful actions, as Saint
Paul was careful to clarify and point out (cf. Romans 1: 18; 6: 12-14; 1
Corinthians 6: 9-11; 2 Corinthians 7: 1; Galatians 5: 16-23; Ephesians 4:
17-24; 5: 3-13; Colossians 3: 5-8; 1 Thessalonians 4: 1-18; 1 Timothy 1:
8-11; 4: 12). To achieve this requires ability and an attitude of
self-mastery which are signs of inner freedom, of responsibility towards
oneself and others. At the same time, these signs bear witness to a
faithful conscience. Such self-mastery involves both avoiding occasions
which might provoke or encourage sin as well as knowing how to overcome
one's own natural instinctive impulses.

19.	When the family is providing real educational support and encouraging
the exercise of all the virtues, education for chastity is made easy and
lacks inner conflicts, even if at certain times young people can experience
particularly delicate situations.
	For some who find themselves in situations where chastity is offended
against and not valued, living in a chaste way can demand a hard or even a
heroic struggle. Nonetheless, with the grace of Christ, flowing from his
spousal love for the Church, everyone can live chastely even if they find
themselves in unfavourable circumstances.
	The very fact that all are called to holiness, as the Second Vatican
Council teaches, makes it easier to understand that everyone can be in
situations where heroic acts of virtue are indispensable, whether in
celibate life or marriage, and that in fact in one way or another this
happens to everyone for shorter or longer periods of time.29  Therefore
married life also entails a joyous and demanding path to holiness.

Chastity in Marriage

20.	"Married people are called to live conjugal chastity; others practise
chastity in continence."30  Parents are well aware that living conjugal
chastity themselves is the most valid premise for educating their children
in chaste love and in holiness of life.  This means that parents should be
aware that God's love is present in their love, and hence that their sexual
giving should also be lived out in respect for God and for his plan of
love, with fidelity, honour and generosity towards one's spouse and towards
the life which can arise from their act of love. Only in this way can their
love be an expression of charity.31  Therefore, in marriage Christians are
called to live this self-giving in a right personal relationship with God.
This relationship is thus an expression of their faith and love for God
with the fidelity and generous fruitfulness which distinguishes divine
love.32 Only in this way do they respond to the love of God and fulfil his
will, which the Commandments help us to know. There is no legitimate love,
at its highest level, which is not also love for God. To love the Lord
implies responding positively to his commandments: "If you love me, you
will keep my commandments" (John 14:15).33

21.	In order to live chastely, man and woman need the continuous
illumination of the Holy Spirit. "At the centre of the spirituality of
marriage...  lies chastity, not only as a moral virtue (formed by love), but
likewise as a virtue connected with the gifts of the Holy Spirit - above
all the gift of respect for what comes from God (donum pietatis)...So
therefore, the interior order of married life, which enables the
'manifestations of affection' to develop according to their right
proportion and meaning, is a fruit not only of the virtue which the couple
practise, but also of the gifts of the Holy Spirit with which they
cooperate."34
	On the other hand, convinced that their own chaste life and the daily
effort of bearing witness are the premise and condition for their
educational task, parents should also consider any attack on the virtue and
chastity of their children as an offence against the life of faith itself
that threatens and impoverishes their own communion of life and grace (cf.
Ephesians 6: 12).

Education for Chastity
22.	Educating children for chastity strives to achieve three objectives:
(a) to maintain in the family a positive atmosphere of love, virtue and
respect for the gifts of God, in particular the gift of life;35 (a) to help
children to understand the value of sexuality and chastity in stages,
sustaining their growth through enlightening word, example and prayer; (c)
to help them understand and discover their own vocation to marriage or to
consecrated virginity for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven in harmony with
and respecting their attitudes and inclinations and the gifts of the
Spirit.

23.	Other educators can assist in this task, but they can only take the
place of parents for serious reasons of physical or moral incapacity. On
this point the Magisterium of the Church has expressed itself clearly,36 in
relation to the whole educative process of children: "The role of parents
in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to find an
adequate substitute. It is therefore the duty of parents to create a family
atmosphere inspired by love and devotion to God and their fellow-men which
will promote an integrated, personal and social education of their
children. The family is therefore the principal school of the social
virtues which are necessary to every society."37  In fact education is the
parents' domain insofar as their educational task continues the generation
of life; moreover it is an offering of their humanity38 to their children
to which they are solemnly bound in the very moment of celebrating their
marriage. "Parents are the first and most important educators of their
children, and they also possess a fundamental competency in this area: they
are educators because they are parents. They share their individual mission
with other individuals or institutions, such as the Church and the State.
But the mission of education must always be carried out in accordance with
a proper application of the principle of subsidiarity. This implies the
legitimacy and indeed the need of giving assistance to the parents, but
finds its intrinsic and absolute limit in their prevailing right and their
actual capabilities. The principle of subsidiarity is thus at the service
of parental love, meeting the good of the family unit. For parents by
themselves are not capable of satisfying every requirement of the whole
process of raising children, especially in matters concerning their
schooling and the entire gamut of socialization. Subsidiarity thus
complements paternal and maternal love and confirms its fundamental nature,
inasmuch as all other participants in the process of education are only
able to carry out their responsibilities in the name of the parents, with
their consent and, to a certain degree, with their authorization."39

24.	In particular, the project of education in sexuality and true love,
open to self- giving, is confronted today by a culture guided by
positivism, as the Holy Father notes in the Letter to Families: "..the
development of contemporary civilization is linked to a scientific and
technological progress which is often achieved in a one-sided way, and thus
appears purely positivistic. Positivism, as we know, results in agnosticism
in theory and utilitarianism in practice and in ethics... Utilitarianism is
a civilization of production and of use, a civilization of things and not
of persons, a civilization in which persons are used in the same way as
things are used... To be convinced that this is the case, one need only to
look at certain sexual education programmes introduced into the schools,
often notwithstanding the disagreement and even the protests of many
parents..."40
	In this context, based on the teaching of the Church and with her support,
parents must reclaim their own task.  By associating together, wherever
this is necessary or useful, they should put into action an educational
project marked by the true values of the person and Christian love and
taking a clear position that surpasses ethical utilitarianism. For
education to correspond to the objective needs of true love, parents should
provide this education within their own autonomous responsibility.

25.	 Moreover, in relation to preparation for marriage the teaching of the
Church states that the family must remain the main protagonist in this
educational work.41
	Certainly  "the changes that have taken place within almost all modern
societies demand that not only the family but also society and the Church
should be involved in the effort of properly preparing young people for
their future responsibilities."42  It is precisely with this end in view
that the educational task of the family takes on greater importance from
the earliest years: "Remote preparation begins in early childhood in that
wise family training which leads children to discover themselves as being
endowed with a rich and complex psychology and with a particular
personality with its own strengths and weaknesses."43

III
IN THE LIGHT OF VOCATION

26.	The family carries out a decisive role in cultivating and developing
all vocations, as the Second Vatican Council taught: "From the marriage of
Christians there comes the family in which new citizens of human society
are born and, by the grace of the Holy Spirit in Baptism, those are made
children of God so that the People of God may be perpetuated throughout the
centuries. In what might be regarded as the domestic church, the parents by
word and example, are the first heralds of the faith with regard to their
children. They must foster the vocation which is proper to each child, and
this with special care if it be to religion."44  Yet the very fact that
vocations flourish is the sign of adequate pastoral care of the family:
"where there is an effective and enlightened family apostolate, just as it
becomes normal to accept life as a gift from God, so it is easier for God's
voice to resound and to find a more generous hearing."45		
	Here we are dealing with vocations to marriage or to virginity or
celibacy, but these are always vocations to holiness. Indeed, the document
Lumen Gentium presents the Second Vatican Council's teaching on the
universal call to holiness: "Strengthened by so many and such great means
of salvation, all the faithful, whatever their condition or state - though
each in his own way - are called by the Lord to that perfection of sanctity
by which the Father himself is perfect."46

1. The Vocation to Marriage

27.	Formation for true love is always the best preparation for the vocation
to marriage. In the family, children and young people can learn to live
human sexuality within the solid context of Christian life. They can
gradually discover that a stable Christian marriage cannot be regarded as a
matter of convenience or mere sexual attraction. By the fact that it is a
vocation, marriage must involve a carefully considered choice, a mutual
commitment before God and the constant seeking of his help in prayer.

Called to Married Love

28.	Committed to the task of educating their children for love, Christian
parents first of all can take awareness of their married love as a
reference point.  As the Encyclical Humanae Vitae states, such love
"reveals its true nature and nobility when it is considered in its supreme
origin, God, who is love (cf. 1 John 4: 8), 'the Father from whom every
family in heaven and on earth is named' (Ephesians 3: 15). Marriage is not,
then, the effect of chance or the product of evolution of unconscious
natural forces; it is the wise institution of the Creator to realize in
mankind his design of love. By means of the reciprocal personal gift of
self, proper and exclusive to them, husband and wife tend towards the
communion of their beings in view of mutual personal perfection, to
collaborate with God in the generation and education of new lives. For
baptized persons, moreover, marriage invests the dignity of a sacramental
sign of grace, inasmuch as it represents the union of Christ and of the
Church."47
	The Holy Father's Letter to Families recalls that: "The family is in fact
a community of persons whose proper way of existing and living together is
communion: communio personarum."48  Going back to the teaching of the
Second Vatican Council, the Holy Father teaches that such a communion
involves "a certain similarity between the union of the divine Persons and
union of God's children in truth and love."49  "This rich and meaningful
formulation first of all confirms what is central to the identity of every
man and every woman. This identity consists in the capacity to live in
truth and love; even more, it consists in the need of truth and love as an
essential dimension of the life of the person. Man's need for truth and
love opens him both to God and to creatures: it opens him to other people,
to life in communion, and in particular to marriage and to the family."50

29.	As the Encyclical Humanae Vitae affirms, married love has four
characteristics: it is human love (physical and spiritual), it is total,
faithful and fruitful love.51
	These characteristics are founded on the fact that "In marriage man and
woman are so firmly united as to become, to use the words of the Book of
Genesis - one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Male and female in their physical
constitution, the two human subjects, even though physically different,
share equally in the capacity to live in truth and love. This capacity,
characteristic of the human being as a person, has at the same time both a
spiritual and a bodily dimension......  The family which results from this
union draws its inner solidity from the covenant between the spouses, which
Christ raised to a Sacrament. The family draws its proper character as a
community, its traits of communion, from that fundamental communion of the
spouses which is prolonged in their children. Will you accept children
lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his
Church?, the celebrant asks during the Rite of Marriage. The answer given
by the spouses reflects the most profound truth of the love which unites
them."52  With the same formula, spouses commit themselves and promise to
be "faithful forever"53 because their fidelity really flows from this
communion of persons which is rooted in the plan of the Creator, in
Trinitarian Love and in the Sacrament which expresses the faithful union
between Christ and the Church.

30.	Christian marriage is a sacrament whereby sexuality is integrated into
a path to holiness, through a bond reinforced by the indissoluble unity of
the sacrament: "The gift of the sacrament is at the same time a vocation
and commandment for the Christian spouses, that they may remain faithful to
each other forever, beyond every trial and difficulty, in generous
obedience to the holy will of the Lord: 'What therefore God has joined
together, let not man put asunder'."54

Parents Face a Current Concern

31.	Unfortunately, even in Christian societies today, parents have reason
to be concerned about the stability of their children's future marriages.
Nevertheless, in spite of the rising number of divorces and the growing
crisis of the family, they should respond with optimism, committing
themselves to give their children a deep Christian formation to make them
able to overcome various difficulties. Actually, the love for chastity,
which parents help to form, favours mutual respect between man and woman
and provides a capacity for compassion, tolerance, generosity, and above
all, a spirit of sacrifice, without which love cannot endure. Children will
thus come to marriage with that realistic wisdom about which Saint Paul
speaks when he teaches that husband and wife must continually give way to
one another in love, cherishing one another with mutual patience and
affection (cf. 1 Corinthians 7: 3-6; Ephesians 5: 21-23).

32.	Through this remote formation for chastity in the family, adolescents
and young people learn to live sexuality in its personal dimension,
rejecting any kind of separation of sexuality from love - understood as
self-giving - and any separation of the love between husband and wife from
the family.
	Parental respect for life and the mystery of procreation will spare the
child or young person from the false idea that the two dimensions of the
conjugal act, unitive and procreative, can be separated at will. Thus the
family comes to be recognized as an inseparable part of the vocation to
marriage.
	A Christian education for chastity within the family cannot remain silent
about the moral gravity involved in separating the unitive dimension from
the procreative dimension within married life. This happens above all in
contraception and artificial procreation. In the first case, one intends to
seek sexual pleasure, intervening in the conjugal act to avoid conception;
in the second case conception is sought by substituting the conjugal act
with a technique. These are actions contrary to the truth of married love
and contrary to full communion between husband and wife.
	Forming young people for chastity should thus become a preparation for
responsible fatherhood and motherhood, which "directly concern the moment
in which a man and a woman, uniting themselves in one flesh, can become
parents. This is a moment of special value both for their interpersonal
relationship and for their service to life: they can become parents -
father and mother - by communicating life to a new human being. The two
dimensions of conjugal union, the unitive and the procreative, cannot be
artificially separated without damaging the deepest truth of the conjugal
act itself."55
	It is also necessary to put before young people the consequences, which
are always very serious, of separating sexuality from procreation when
someone reaches the stage of practising sterilization and abortion or
pursuing sexual activity dissociated from married love, before and outside
of marriage.
	Much of the moral order and marital harmony of the family, hence also the
true good of society, depends on this timely education, which finds its
place in God's plan, in the very structure of sexuality and the intimate
nature of marriage.

33.	Parents who carry out their own right and duty to form their children
for chastity can be certain that they are helping them in turn to build
stable and united families, thus anticipating, insofar as this is possible,
the joys of paradise: "How can I ever express the happiness of the marriage
that is joined together by the Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed
by a blessing, announced by angels and ratified by the Father....  They are
both brethren and both fellow servants; there is no separation between them
in spirit or flesh....  Christ rejoices in them and he sends them his peace;
where the couple is, there he is also to be found, and where he is, evil
can no longer abide."56

2. The Vocation to Virginity and Celibacy

34.	Christian revelation presents the two vocations to love: marriage and
virginity. In some societies today, not only marriage and the family, but
also vocations to the priesthood and the religious life, are often in a
state of crisis. The two situations are inseparable: "When marriage is not
esteemed, neither can consecrated virginity or celibacy exist; when human
sexuality is not regarded as a great value given by the Creator, the
renunciation of it for the sake of the kingdom of heaven loses its
meaning."57   A lack of vocations follows from the breakdown of the family,
yet where parents are generous in welcoming life, children will be more
likely to be generous when it comes to the question of offering themselves
to God: "Families must once again express a generous love for life and
place themselves at its service above all by accepting the children which
the Lord wants to give them with a sense of responsibility not detached
from peaceful trust", and they may bring this acceptance to fulfilment not
only "through a continuing educational effort but also through an
obligatory commitment, at times perhaps neglected, to help teenagers
especially and young people to accept the vocational dimension of every
living being, within God's plan....  Human life acquires fullness when it
becomes a self-gift: a gift which can express itself in matrimony, in
consecrated virginity, in self-dedication to one's neighbour towards an
ideal, or in the choice of priestly ministry. Parents will truly serve the
life of their children if they help them make their own lives a gift,
respecting their mature choices and fostering joyfully each vocation,
including the religious and priestly one."58
	When he deals with sexual education in Familiaris Consortio, this is why
Pope John Paul II affirms: "Indeed Christian parents, discerning the signs
of God's call, will devote special attention and care to education in
virginity or celibacy as the supreme form of that self-giving that
constitutes the very meaning of human sexuality."59

Parents and Priestly and Religious Vocations

35.	 Parents should therefore rejoice if they see in any of their children
the signs of God's call to the higher vocation of virginity or celibacy for
the love of the Kingdom of Heaven. They should accordingly adapt formation
for chaste love to the needs of those children, encouraging them on their
own path up to the time of entering the seminary or house of formation, or
until this specific call to self-giving with an undivided heart matures.
They must respect and appreciate the freedom of each of their children,
encouraging their personal vocation and without trying to impose a
pre-determined vocation on them.
	The Second Vatican Council clearly set out this distinct and honourable
task of parents, who are supported in their work by teachers and priests:
"Parents should nurture and protect religious vocations in their children
by educating them in Christian virtues."60 "The duty of fostering vocations
falls on the whole Christian community....  The greatest contribution is made
by families which are animated by a spirit of faith, charity and piety and
which provide, as it were, a first  seminary, and by parishes in whose
abundant life the young people themselves take an active part."61
"Parents, teachers and all who are in any way concerned in the education of
boys and young men ought to train them in such a way that they will know
the solicitude of the Lord for his flock and be alive to the needs of the
Church. In this way they will be prepared when the Lord calls to answer
generously with the prophet: 'Here am I! send me' (Isaiah 6:8)."62
	This necessary family context for maturing religious and priestly
vocations brings to mind the serious situation of many families, especially
in certain countries, families with an impoverished life because they have
chosen to deprive themselves of children or where they have only one child,
a situation in which it is very difficult for vocations to arise and even
difficult to develop a full social education.

36.	The truly Christian family will also be able to communicate an
understanding of the value of celibacy to unmarried children or those who
are incapable of marriage for reasons apart from their own will. If they
are formed well from childhood and during their youth, they will be
equipped to face their own situation more easily. Likewise, they will be
able to discover the will of God in such a situation and so find a sense of
vocation and peace in their own lives.63  These persons, especially if they
have some kind of physical disability, need to be shown the great
possibilities for self-realization and spiritual fruitfulness which are
open to those who make a commitment to help their poorest and most needy
brothers and sisters, sustained by faith and the love of God.


IV
FATHER AND MOTHER AS EDUCATORS

37.	In granting married persons the privilege and great responsibility of
becoming parents, God gives them the grace to carry out their mission
adequately.  Moreover, in the task of educating their children, parents are
enlightened by "two fundamental truths...: first, that man is called to
live in truth and love; and second, that everyone finds fulfilment through
the sincere gift of self".64  As spouses, parents and ministers of the
sacramental grace of marriage, they are sustained from day to day by
special spiritual energies, received from Jesus Christ who loves and
nurtures his Bride, the Church.
	As husband and wife who have become "one flesh" through the bond of
marriage, they share the duty to educate their children through willing
collaboration nourished by vigorous mutual dialogue that "has a new
specific source in the sacrament of marriage, which consecrates them for
the strictly Christian education of their children: that is to say, it
calls upon them to share in the very authority and love of God the Father
and Christ the shepherd, and in the motherly love of the Church, and it
enriches them with wisdom, counsel, fortitude and all the other gifts of
the Holy Spirit in order to help the children in their growth as human
beings and as Christians".65

38.	In the context of formation in chastity, "fatherhood-motherhood" also
includes one parent who is left alone and adoptive parents.  The task of a
single parent is certainly not easy because the support of the other spouse
and the role and example of a parent of the other sex is lacking.  But God
sustains single parents with a special love and calls them to take on this
task with the same generosity and sensitivity with which they love and care
for their children in other areas of family life.
39.	Some other persons are called upon in certain cases to take the place
of parents: those who take on the parental role in a permanent way, for
instance, for orphans or abandoned children.  They, too, have the task of
educating children and young people in an overall sense, as well as in
chastity, and they will receive the grace of their state of life to do this
according to the same principles that guide Christian parents.

40.	Parents must never feel alone in this task.  The Church supports and
encourages them, confident that they can carry out this function better
than anyone else.  She also encourages those men or women who, often with
great sacrifice, give children without parents a form of parental love and
family life.  In any case, all of them must approach this duty in a spirit
of prayer, open and obedient to the moral truths of faith and reason that
integrate the teaching of the Church, and always seeing children and young
people as persons, children of God and heirs to the Kingdom of Heaven.

The Rights and Duties of Parents

41.	Before going into the practical details of young people's formation in
chastity, it is extremely important for parents to be aware of their rights
and duties, particularly in the face of a State or a school that tends to
take up the initiative in the area of sex education.
	The Holy Father John Paul II reaffirms this in Familiaris Consortio: "The
right and duty of parents to give education is essential, since it is
connected with the transmission of human life; it is original and primary
with regard to the educational role of others, on account of the uniqueness
of the loving relationship between parents and children; and it is
irreplaceable and inalienable, and therefore incapable of being entirely
delegated to others or usurped by others",66 except in the case, as
mentioned at the beginning, of physical or psychological impossibility.

42.	This doctrine is based on the teaching of the Second Vatican Council,67
and is also proclaimed by the Charter of the Rights of the Family: "Since
they have conferred life on their children, parents have the original,
primary and inalienable right to educate them; hence they ...have the right
to educate their children in conformity with their moral and religious
convictions, taking into account the cultural traditions of the family
which favour the good and the dignity of the child; they should also
receive from society the necessary aid and assistance to perform their
educational role properly."68

43.	The Pope insists upon the fact that this holds especially with regard
to sexuality: "Sex education, which is a basic right and duty of parents,
must always be carried out under their attentive guidance, whether at home
or in educational centres chosen and controlled by them.  In this regard,
the Church reaffirms the law of subsidiarity, which the school is bound to
observe when it cooperates in sex education, by entering into the same
spirit that animates the parents".69
	The Holy Father adds, "In view of the close links between the sexual
dimension of the person and his or her ethical values, education must bring
the children to a knowledge of and respect for the moral norms as the
necessary and highly valuable guarantee for responsible personal growth in
human sexuality".70  No one is capable of giving moral education in this
delicate area better than duly prepared parents.

The Meaning of the Parents' Duty

44.	This right also implies an educational duty. If in fact parents do not
give adequate formation in chastity, they are failing in their precise
duty. Likewise, they would also be guilty were they to tolerate immoral or
inadequate formation being given to their children outside the home.

45.	Today this task encounters a particular difficulty with regard to the
dissemination of pornography, through the means of social communication,
instigated by commercial motives and breaking down adolescent sensitivity.
This must call for two forms of concerned action on the part of parents:
preventive and critical education with regard to their children, and
courageous denunciation to the appropriate authorities.  Parents, as
individuals or in associations, have the right and duty to promote the good
of their children and demand from the authorities laws that prevent and
eliminate the exploitation of the sensitivity of children and
adolescents.71

46.	The Holy Father stresses this parental task and outlines guide-lines and
the objective in this regard: "Faced with a culture that largely reduces
human sexuality to the level of something commonplace, since it interprets
and lives it in a reductive and impoverished way by linking it solely with
the body and with selfish pleasure, the educational service of parents must
aim firmly at a training in the area of sex that is truly and fully
personal: for sexuality is an enrichment of the whole person - body,
emotions and soul - and it manifests its inmost meaning in leading the
person to the gift of self in love".72

47.	We cannot forget, however, that we are dealing with a right and duty to
educate which, in the past, Christian parents carried out or exercised
little. Perhaps this was because the problem was not as acute as it is
today, or because the parents' task was in part fulfilled by the strength
of prevailing social models and the role played by the Church and the
Catholic school in this area.  It is not easy for parents to take on this
educational commitment because today it appears to be rather complex, and
greater than what the family could offer, also because, in most cases, it
is not possible to refer to what one's own parents did in this regard.
	Therefore, through this document, the Church holds that it is her duty to
give parents back confidence in their own capabilities and help them to
carry out their task.

V
PATHS OF FORMATION
WITHIN THE FAMILY

48.	The family environment is thus the normal and usual place for forming
children and young people to consolidate and exercise the virtues of
charity, temperance, fortitude and chastity.  As the domestic church, the
family is the school of the richest humanity.73  This is particularly true
for the moral and spiritual education on such a delicate matter as
chastity. Physical, psychological and spiritual aspects are involved in
chastity, as well as the first signs of freedom, the influence of social
models, natural modesty and strong tendencies inherent in a human being's
bodily nature.  All of these aspects are connected to an awareness, albeit
implicit, of the dignity of the human person, called to collaborate with
God and, at the same time, marked by fragility.  In a Christian home,
parents have the strength to lead their children to a real Christian
maturation of their personalities, according to the measure of Christ, in
his Mystical Body, the Church.74
	While the family is rich in these strengths, it also needs the support of
the State and society, according to the principle of subsidiarity: "It can
happen...  that when a family does decide to live up fully to its vocation,
it finds itself without the necessary support from the State and without
sufficient resources.  It is urgent therefore to promote not only family
policies, but also those social policies which have the family as their
principle object, policies which assist the family by providing adequate
resources and efficient means of support, both for bringing up children and
for looking after the elderly..."75

49.	Aware of this and of the real difficulties that exist for young people
in many countries today, especially when social and moral deterioration is
present, parents are urged to dare to ask for more and to propose more.
They cannot be satisfied with avoiding the worst - that their children do
not take drugs or commit crimes.  They will have to be committed to
educating them in the true values of the person, renewed by the virtues of
faith, hope and love: the values of freedom, responsibility, fatherhood and
motherhood, service, professional work, solidarity, honesty, art, sport,
the joy of knowing they are children of God, hence brothers and sisters of
all human beings, etc.

The Essential Value of the Home

50.	In their most recent findings, the psychological and pedagogical
sciences come together with human experience in emphasizing the decisive
importance of the affective atmosphere that reigns in the family for a
harmonious and valid sexual education, especially during the first years of
infancy and childhood, and perhaps also during the prenatal stage, because
children's deep emotional patterns are established in these phases.  The
importance of the couple's balance, acceptance and understanding is
stressed.  Furthermore, emphasis is placed on the value of a serene
relationship between husband and wife, on the value of their positive
presence (both father and mother) during these important years for the
processes of identification, and on the value of a relationship of
reassuring affection toward their children.

51. 	Certain serious privations or imbalances between parents (for example,
one or both parents' absence from family life, a lack of interest in the
children's education or excessive severity) are factors that can cause
emotional and affective disturbances in children. These factors can
seriously upset their adolescence and sometimes mark them for life. Parents
must find time to be with their children and take time to talk with them.
As a gift and a commitment, children are their most important task,
although seemingly not always a very profitable one.  Children are more
important than work, entertainment and social position.  In these
conversations - more and more as the years pass - parents should learn how
to listen carefully to their children, how to make the effort to understand
them and how to recognize the fragment of truth that may be present in some
forms of rebellion.  At the same time, parents will have to be able to help
their children to channel their anxieties and aspirations correctly, and
teach them to reflect on the reality of things and how to reason.  This
does not mean imposing a certain line of behaviour, but rather showing both
the supernatural and human motives that recommend such behaviour.  Parents
will succeed better if they are able to dedicate time to their children and
really place themselves at their level with love.

Formation in the Community of Life and Love

52.	The Christian family is capable of offering an atmosphere permeated
with that love for God that makes an authentic reciprocal gift possible.76
Children who have this experience are better disposed to live according to
those moral truths that they see practiced in their parents' life.  They
will have confidence in them and will learn about the love that overcomes
fears - and nothing moves us to love more than knowing that we are loved.
In this way, the bond of mutual love, to which parents bear witness before
their children, will safeguard their affective serenity.  This bond will
refine the intellect, the will and the emotions by rejecting everything
that could degrade or devalue the gift of human sexuality. In a family
where love reigns, this gift is always understood as part of the call to
self-giving in love for God and for others.  "The family is the first and
fundamental school of social living: as a community of love, it finds in
self-giving the law that guides it and makes it grow.  The self-giving that
inspires the love of husband and wife for each other is the model and norm
for the self-giving that must be practised in the relationships between
brothers and sisters and the different generations living together in the
family.  And the communion and sharing that are part of everyday life in
the home at times of joy and at times of difficulty are the most concrete
and effective pedagogy for the active, responsible and fruitful inclusion
of the children in the wider horizon of society."77

53.	Basically, education for authentic love, authentic only if it becomes
kind, well-disposed love, involves accepting the person who is loved and
considering his or her good as one's own; hence this implies educating in
right relationships with others.  Children, adolescents and young people
should be taught how to enter into healthy relationships with God, with
their parents, their brothers and sisters, with their companions of the
same or the opposite sex, and with adults.

54.	It must also not be forgotten that education in love is an overall
reality. There will be no progress in setting up proper relationships with
one person if at the same time there are no proper relationships with other
people.  As we have already mentioned, education in chastity, as education
in love, is at the same time education of one's spirit, one's sensitivity,
and one's feelings.  The attitude toward other persons depends largely on
the way spontaneous feelings toward them are handled, the way some feelings
are cultivated and others are controlled.  Chastity as a virtue is never
reduced to merely being able to perform acts conformed to a norm of
external behaviour. Chastity requires activating and developing the
dynamisms of nature and grace which make up the principal and immanent
element of our discovery of God's law as a guarantee of growth and
freedom.78

55.	Therefore, it must be stressed that education for chastity is
inseparable from efforts to cultivate all the other virtues and, in a
particular way, Christian love, characterized by respect, altruism and
service, which after all is called charity.  Sexuality is such an important
good that it must be protected by following the order of reason enlightened
by faith: "The greater a good, the more the order of reason must be
observed in it".79  From this it follows that in order to educate in
chastity, "self-control is necessary, which presupposes such virtues as
modesty, temperance, respect for self and for others, openness to one's
neighbour".80
	Also of importance are what Christian tradition has called the younger
sisters of chastity (modesty, an attitude of sacrifice with regard to one's
whims), nourished by the faith and a life of prayer.

Decency and Modesty

56.	The practice of decency and modesty in speech, action and dress is very
important for creating an atmosphere suitable for the growth of chastity,
but this must be well motivated by respect for one's own body and the
dignity of others.  Parents, as we have said, should be watchful so that
certain immoral fashions and attitudes do not violate the integrity of the
home, especially through misuse of the mass media.81 In this regard, the
Holy Father stressed the need "to promote closer collaboration between
parents, who have primary responsibility for education, those in charge of
the mass media at various levels and the public authorities, so that
families are not left without guidance in such an important sector of their
educational mission....  In fact the presentations, content and programmes of
healthy entertainment, information and education to complement that of the
family and the school must be recognized.  Unfortunately this does not
change the fact that in some countries especially there are many shows and
publications abounding in all sorts of violence with a kind of bombardment
of messages that undermine moral principles and make it impossible to
achieve a serious climate in which values worthy of the human person may be
transmitted".82
	In particular, with regard to use of television, the Holy Father
specified: "The life-style - especially in the more industrialised nations
- all too often causes families to abandon their responsibility to educate
their children.  Evasion of this duty is made easy by the presence of
television and of printed materials in the home.  These occupy the time for
children and young people.  No one can deny the justification for this when
the means are lacking, to develop and use to advantage the free time of the
young and to direct their energies".83 Another circumstance that
facilitates this is the fact that both parents are busy with their work, in
and outside the home. "The result is that these young people are in most
need of help in developing their responsible freedom.  There is the duty -
especially for believers, for men and women who love freedom, to protect
the young from the aggressions they are subjected to by the media. May no
one shirk from this duty by using the excuse that he or she is not
involved."84  "Parents as recipients must actively ensure the moderate,
critical, watchful and prudent use of the media".85

Legitimate Privacy

57. 	Respect for privacy must be considered in close connection with
decency and modesty, which spontaneously defend a person who refuses to be
considered and treated like an object of pleasure instead of being
respected and loved for himself or herself.  If children or young people
see that their legitimate privacy is respected, then they will know that
they are expected to show the same attitude towards others.  This is how
they learn to cultivate the proper sense of responsibility before God by
developing their interior life and a taste for personal freedom, that makes
them capable of loving God and others better.

Self-Control

58. 	All of this reminds us more generally of self-control, a necessary
condition for being capable of self-giving.  Children and young people
should be encouraged to have esteem for, and to practise self-control and
restraint, to live in an orderly way, to make personal sacrifices in a
spirit of love for God, self-respect, and generosity towards others,
without stifling feelings and tendencies, but channelling them into a
virtuous life.

Parents as Models for Their Children

59.	The good example and leadership of parents is essential in
strengthening the formation of young people in chastity. A mother who
values her maternal vocation and her place in the home greatly helps
develop the qualities of femininity and motherhood in her daughters, and
sets a clear, strong and noble example of womanhood for her sons.86  A
father, whose behaviour is inspired by masculine dignity without
"machismo", will be an attractive model for his sons, and inspire respect,
admiration and security in his daughters.87

60. 	This is also true for education in a spirit of sacrifice in families,
subject more than ever today to the pressures of materialism and
consumerism.  Only in this way will children grow up "with a correct
attitude of freedom with regard to material goods, by adopting a simple and
austere life style and being fully convinced that 'man is more precious for
what he is than for what he has'. In a society shaken and split by tensions
and conflicts caused by the violent clash of various kinds of individualism
and selfishness, children must be enriched not only with a sense of true
justice, which alone leads to respect for the personal dignity of each
individual, but also and more powerfully by a sense of true love, understood
as sincere solicitude and disinterested service with regard to others,
especially the poorest and those in most need".88  "This education is fully
a part of the 'civilization of love'. It depends on the civilization of
love and, in great measure, contributes to its upbuilding".89
A Sanctuary of Life and Faith

61.	No one can deny that the first example and the greatest help that
parents can give their children is their generosity in accepting life,
without forgetting that this is how parents help their children to have a
simpler lifestyle.  Moreover, "...it is certainly less serious to deny
their children certain comforts or material advantages than to deprive them
of the presence of brothers and sisters, who could help them to grow in
humanity and to realize the beauty of life at all its ages and in all its
variety."90

62. 	Lastly, we recall that in order to achieve these objectives, the
family first of all should be a home of faith and prayer, in which God the
Father's presence is sensed, the Word of Jesus is accepted, the Spirit's
bond of love is felt, and where the most pure Mother of God is loved and
invoked.91  This life of faith and "Family prayer has for its very own
object family life itself, which in all its varying circumstances is seen
as a call from God and lived as a filial response to his call. Joys and
sorrows, hopes and disappointments, births and birthday celebrations,
wedding anniversaries of the parents, departures, separations and
home-comings, important and far-reaching decisions, the death of those who
are dear, etc. - all of these mark God's loving intervention in the
family's history.  They should be seen as suitable moments for
thanksgiving, for petition, for trusting abandonment of the family into the
hands of their common Father in heaven".92

63.	In this atmosphere of prayer and awareness of the presence and
fatherhood of God, the truths of faith and morals should be taught,
understood and deeply studied with reverence, and the Word of God should be
read and lived with love. In this way Christ's truth will build up a family
community based on the example and guidance of parents who "penetrate the
innermost depths of their children's hearts and leave an impression that
the future events in their lives will not be able to efface".93

VI
LEARNING STAGES

64.	Parents in particular have the duty to let their children know about
the mysteries of human life, because the family "is, in fact, the best
environment to accomplish the obligation of securing a gradual education in
sexual life.  The family has an affective dignity which is suited to making
acceptable without trauma the most delicate realities and to integrating
them harmoniously in a balanced and rich personality".94  As we have
recalled, this primary task of the family includes the parents' right that
their children should not be obliged to attend courses in school on this
subject which are not in harmony with their religious and moral
convictions.95  The school's task is not to substitute for the family,
rather it is "assisting and completing the work of parents, furnishing
children and adolescents with an evaluation of sexuality as value and task
of the whole person, created male and female in the image of God".96
	In this regard, we recall what the Holy Father teaches in Familiaris
consortio: "The Church is firmly opposed to an often widespread form of
imparting sex information dissociated from moral principles.  That would
merely be an introduction to the experience of pleasure and a stimulus
leading to the loss of serenity - while still in the years of innocence -
by opening the way to vice".97
	Therefore, four general principles will be proposed and afterwards the
various stages in a child's development will be examined.

Four Principles Regarding Information about Sexuality

65.	1. Each child is a unique and unrepeatable person and must receive
individualized formation. Since parents know, understand and love each of
their children in their uniqueness, they are in the best position to decide
what the appropriate time is for providing a variety of information,
according to their children's physical and spiritual growth. No one can
take this capacity for discernment away from conscientious parents.98

66.	Each child's process of maturation as a person is different. Therefore,
the most intimate aspects, whether biological or emotional, should be
communicated in a personalized dialogue.99 In their dialogue with each
child, with love and trust, parents communicate something about their own
self-giving which makes them capable of giving witness to aspects of the
emotional dimension of sexuality that could not be transmitted in other
ways.

67.	Experience shows that this dialogue works out better when the parent
who communicates the biological, emotional, moral and spiritual information
is of the same sex as the child or young person.  Being aware of the role,
emotions and problems of their own sex, mothers have a special bond with
their daughters, and fathers with their sons.  This natural bond should be
respected.  Therefore, parents who are alone will have to act with great
sensitivity when speaking with a child of the opposite sex, and they may
choose to entrust communicating the most intimate details to a trustworthy
person of the same sex as the child.  Through this collaboration of a
subsidiary nature, parents can take advantage of expert, well-formed
educators in the school or parish community, or from Catholic associations.

68.	2. The moral dimension must always be part of their explanations.
Parents should stress that Christians are called to live the gift of
sexuality according to the plan of God who is Love, i.e., in the context of
marriage or of consecrated virginity and also celibacy.100  They must
insist on the positive value of chastity and its capacity to generate true
love for other persons.  This is the most radical and important moral
aspect of chastity. Only a person who knows how to be chaste will know how
to love in marriage or in virginity.

69.	From the earliest age, parents may observe the beginning of instinctive
genital activity in their child.  It should not be considered repressive to
correct such habits gently that could become sinful later, and, when
necessary, to teach modesty as the child grows.  It is always important to
justify the judgement of morally rejecting certain attitudes contrary to
the dignity of the person and chastity on adequate, valid and convincing
grounds, both at the level of reason and faith, hence in a positive
framework with a high concept of personal dignity.  Many parental
admonitions are merely reproofs or recommendations which the children
perceive more as the result of fear of certain social consequences, or
related to one's public reputation, rather than arising out of a love that
seeks their true good. "I exhort you to correct, with the greatest
commitment, the vices and passions that assail us in every age.  For if in
some stage of our life we sail on, deprecating the values of virtue and
thereby suffer continuous shipwreck, we risk arriving in port devoid of all
spiritual charge".101

70. 3. Formation in chastity and timely information regarding sexuality
must be provided in the broadest context of education for love. It is not
sufficient, therefore, to provide information about sex together with
objective moral principles.  Constant help is also required for the growth
of children's spiritual life, so that the biological development and
impulses they begin to experience will always be accompanied by a growing
love of God, the Creator and Redeemer, and an ever greater awareness of the
dignity of each human person and his or her body.  In the light of the
mystery of Christ and the Church, parents can illustrate the positive
values of human sexuality in the context of the person's original vocation
to love and the universal call to holiness.

71.	Therefore, in talks with children, suitable advice should always be
given regarding how to grow in the love of God and one's neighbour, and how
to overcome any difficulties: "These means are: discipline of the senses
and the mind, watchfulness and prudence in avoiding occasions of sin, the
observance of modesty, moderation in recreation, wholesome pursuits,
assiduous prayer and frequent reception of the Sacraments of Penance and
the Eucharist.  Young people especially should foster devotion to the
Immaculate Mother of God".102

72.	To teach children how to evaluate the environments they frequent with a
critical sense and true autonomy, as well as to accustom them to detachment
in using the mass media, parents should always present positive models and
suitable ways of using their vital energies, the meaning of friendship and
solidarity in the overall area of society and of the Church.
	When deviant tendencies and attitudes are present, which require great
prudence and caution so as to recognize and evaluate situations properly,
parents should also have recourse to specialists with solid scientific and
moral formation in order to identify the causes over and above the
symptoms, and help the subjects to overcome difficulties in a serious and
clear way.  Pedagogic action should be directed more to the causes rather
than to directly repressing the phenomenon,103 and, if necessary, they
should seek the help of qualified persons, such as doctors, educational
experts and psychologists with an upright Christian sensitivity.

73.	The objective of the parents' educational task is to pass on to their
children the conviction that chastity in one's state in life is possible
and that chastity brings joy.  Joy springs from an awareness of maturation
and harmony in one's emotional life, a gift of God and a gift of love that
makes self-giving possible in the framework of one's vocation.  Man is in
fact the only creature on earth whom God wanted for its own sake, and "man
can fully discover his true self only in a sincere giving of himself".104
"Christ gave laws for everyone...  I do not prohibit you from marrying, nor
am I against your enjoying yourself.  I only want you to do this with
temperance, without indecency, guilt and sin.  I do not make a law that you
should flee to the mountains and deserts, rather that you should be good,
modest and chaste, as you live in the midst of the cities".105

74.	God's help is never lacking if each person makes the necessary
commitment to respond to his grace.  In helping, forming and respecting
their children's conscience, parents should see that they receive the
sacraments with awareness, guiding them by their own example.  If children
and young people experience the effects of God's grace and mercy in the
sacraments, they will be capable of living chastity well, as a gift of God,
for his glory and in order to love him and other people.  Necessary and
supernaturally effective help is provided by the Sacrament of
Reconciliation, especially if a regular confessor is available.  Although
it does not necessarily coincide with the role of confessor, spiritual
guidance or direction is a valuable aid in progressively enlightening the
stages of growth and as moral support.
	Reading well-chosen and recommended books of formation is also of great
help both in offering a wider and deeper formation and in providing
examples and testimonies of virtue.

75.	Once the objectives of the information to be provided have been
identified, the time and ways must be specified, starting from childhood.

	4. Parents should provide this information with great delicacy, but
clearly and at the appropriate time. Parents are well aware that their
children must be treated in a personalized way, according to the personal
conditions of their physiological and psychological development, and taking
into due consideration the cultural environment of life and the
adolescent's daily experience.  In order to evaluate properly what they
should say to each child, it is very important that parents first of all
seek light from the Lord in prayer and that they discuss this together so
that their words will be neither too explicit nor too vague.  Giving too
many details to children is counterproductive. But delaying the first
information for too long is imprudent, because every human person has
natural curiosity in this regard and, sooner or later, everyone begins to
ask themselves questions, especially in cultures where too much can be
seen, even in public.

76.	In general, the first sexual information to be given to a small child
does not deal with genital sexuality, but rather with pregnancy and the
birth of a brother or sister.  The child's natural curiosity is stimulated,
for example, when it sees the signs of pregnancy in its mother and
experiences waiting for a baby.  Parents can take advantage of this happy
experience in order to communicate some simple facts about pregnancy, but
always in the deepest context of wonder at the creative work of God, who
wants the new life he has given to be cared for in the mother's body, near
her heart.

Children's Principal Stages of Development

77.	It is important for parents to take their children's needs into
consideration during the different stages of development.  Keeping in mind
that each child should receive individualized formation, parents can adapt
the stages of education in love to the particular requirements of each
child.

1.	The Years of Innocence

78.	It can be said that a child is in the stage described in John Paul II's
words as "the years of innocence"106 from about five years of age until
puberty - the beginning of which can be set at the first signs of changes
in the boy or girl's body (the visible effect of an increased production of
sexual hormones).  This period of tranquillity and serenity must never be
disturbed by unnecessary information about sex.  During those years, before
any physical sexual development is evident, it is normal for the child's
interests to turn to other aspects of life.  The rudimentary instinctive
sexuality of very small children has disappeared.  Boys and girls of this
age are not particularly interested in sexual problems, and they prefer to
associate with children of their own sex.  So as not to disturb this
important natural phase of growth, parents will recognize that prudent
formation in chaste love during this period should be indirect, in
preparation for puberty, when direct information will be necessary.

79.	During this stage of development, children are normally at ease with
their body and its functions.  They accept the need for modesty in dress
and behaviour.  Although they are aware of the physical differences between
the two sexes, the growing child generally shows little interest in genital
functions.  The discovery of the wonders of creation which accompanies this
phase and the experiences in this regard at home and in school should also
be oriented towards the stages of catechesis and preparation for the
sacraments which takes place within the ecclesial community.

80.	Nonetheless, this period of childhood is not without its own
significance in terms of psycho-sexual development. A growing boy or girl
is learning from adult example and family experience what it means to be a
woman or a man. Certainly, expressions of natural tenderness and
sensitivity should not be discouraged among boys, nor should girls be
excluded from vigorous physical activities.  On the other hand, in some
societies subjected to ideological pressures, parents should also protect
themselves from an exaggerated opposition to what is defined as a
"stereotyping of roles". The real differences between the two sexes should
not be ignored or minimized, and in a healthy family environment children
will learn that it is natural for a certain difference to exist between the
usual family and domestic roles of men and women.

81.	During this stage, girls will generally be developing a maternal
interest in babies, motherhood and homemaking.  By constantly taking the
Motherhood of the most holy Virgin Mary as a model, they should be
encouraged to value their femininity.

82.	In this period, a boy is at a relatively tranquil stage of development.
This is often the easiest time for him to set up a good relationship with
his father.  At this time, he should learn that, although it must be
considered as a divine gift, his masculinity is not a sign of superiority
with regard to women, but a call from God to take on certain roles and
responsibilities.  Boys should be discouraged from becoming overly
aggressive or too concerned about physical prowess as proof of their
virility.

83.	Nonetheless, in the context of moral and sexual information, various
problems can arise in this stage of childhood.  In some societies today,
there are planned and determined attempts to impose premature sex
information on children.  But, at this stage of development, children are
still not capable of fully understanding the value of the affective
dimension of sexuality.  They cannot understand and control sexual imagery
within the proper context of moral principles and, for this reason, they
cannot integrate premature sexual information with moral responsibility.
Such information tends to shatter their emotional and educational
development and to disturb the natural serenity of this period of life.
Parents should politely but firmly exclude any attempts to violate
children's innocence because such attempts compromise the spiritual, moral
and emotional development of growing persons who have a right to their
innocence.

84.	A further problem arises when children receive premature sex
information from the mass media or from their peers who have been led
astray or received premature sex education.  In this case, parents will
have to begin to give carefully limited sexual information, usually to
correct immoral and erroneous information or to control obscene language.

85.	Sexual violence with regard to children is not infrequent.  Parents
must protect their children, first by teaching them a form of modesty and
reserve with regard to strangers, as well as by giving suitable sexual
information, but without going into details and particulars that might
upset or frighten them.

86.	As in the first years of life also during childhood, parents should
encourage a spirit of collaboration, obedience, generosity and self-denial
in their children, as well as a capacity for self-reflection and
sublimation.  In fact, a characteristic of this period of development is an
attraction toward intellectual activities.  Using the intellect makes it
possible to acquire the strength and ability to control the surrounding
situation and, before long, to control bodily instincts, so as to transform
them into intellectual and rational activities.
	An undisciplined or spoilt child is inclined toward a certain immaturity
and moral weakness in future years because chastity is difficult to
maintain if a person develops selfish or disordered habits and cannot
behave with proper concern and respect for others.  Parents should present
objective standards of what is right and wrong, thereby creating a sure
moral framework for life.

2. Puberty

87.	Puberty, which constitutes the initial phase of adolescence, is a time
in which parents are called to be particularly attentive to the Christian
education of their children.  This is a time of self-discovery and "of
one's own inner world, the time of generous plans, the time when the
feeling of love awakens, with the biological impulses of sexuality, the
time of the desire to be together, the time of particularly intense joy
connected with the exhilarating discovery of life.  But often it is also
the age of deeper questioning, of anguished or even frustrating searching,
of a certain mistrust of others and dangerous introspection, and the age
sometimes of the first experiences of set-backs and of disappointments".107

88.	Parents should pay particular attention to their children's gradual
development and to their physical and psychological changes, which are
decisive in the maturing of the personality.  Without showing anxiety, fear
or obsessive concern, parents will not let cowardice or convenience hinder
their work.  This is naturally an important moment in teaching the value of
chastity, which will also be expressed in the way sexual information is
given.  In this phase, educational needs also concern the genital aspects,
hence requiring a presentation both on the level of values and the reality
as a whole.  Moreover, this implies an understanding of the context of
procreation, marriage and the family, a context which must be kept present
in an authentic task of sexual education.108

89.	Beginning with the changes which their sons and daughters experience in
their bodies, parents are thus bound to give more detailed explanations
about sexuality (in an on-going relationship of trust and friendship) each
time girls confide in their mothers and boys in their fathers.  This
relationship of trust and friendship should have already started in the
first years of life.

90.	Another important task for parents is following the gradual
physiological development of their daughters and helping them joyfully to
accept the development of their femininity in a bodily, psychological and
spiritual sense.109  Therefore, normally, one should discuss the cycles of
fertility and their meaning. But it is still not necessary to give detailed
explanations about sexual union, unless this is explicitly requested.
91.	It is very important for adolescent boys to be helped to understand the
stages of physical and physiological development of the genital organs
before they get this information from their companions or from persons who
are not well-intentioned.  The physiological facts about male puberty
should be presented in an atmosphere of serenity, positively and with
reserve, in the framework of marriage, family and fatherhood. Instructing
both adolescent girls and boys should also include detailed and sufficient
information about the bodily and psychological characteristics of the
opposite sex, about whom their curiosity is growing.
	In this area, the additional supportive information of a conscientious
doctor or even a psychologist can help parents, without separating this
information from what pertains to the faith and the educational work of the
priest.

92.	Through a trusting and open dialogue, parents can guide their daughters
in facing any emotional perplexity, and support the value of Christian
chastity out of consideration for the other sex.  Instruction for both
girls and boys should aim at pointing out the beauty of motherhood and the
wonderful reality of procreation, as well as the deep meaning of virginity.
In this way they will be helped to go against the hedonistic mentality
which is very widespread today and particularly, at such a decisive stage,
in preventing the "contraceptive mentality", which unfortunately is very
common and which girls will have to face later in marriage.

93.	During puberty, the psychological and emotional development of boys can
make them vulnerable to erotic fantasies and they may be tempted to try
sexual experiences.  Parents should be close to their sons and correct the
tendency to use sexuality in a hedonistic and materialistic way.
Therefore, they should remind boys about God's gift, received in order to
cooperate with him "to actualize in history the original blessing of the
Creator - that of transmitting by procreation the divine image from person
to person..."; and this will strengthen their awareness that, "Fecundity is
the fruit and the sign of conjugal love, the living testimony of the full
reciprocal self-giving of the spouses".110  In this way sons will also
learn the respect due to women.  The parents' task of informing and
instructing is necessary, not because their sons would not know about
sexual reality in other ways, but so that they will know about it in the
right light.

94.	In a positive and prudent way, parents will carry out what the Fathers
of the Second Vatican Council requested: "It is important to give suitable
and timely instruction to young people, above all in the heart of their own
families, about the dignity of married love, its role and its exercise; in
this way they will be able to engage in honourable courtship and enter upon
marriage of their own".111
	Positive information about sexuality should always be part of a formation
plan so as to create the Christian context in which all information about
life, sexual activity, anatomy and hygiene is given.  Therefore, the
spiritual and moral dimensions must always be predominant so as to have two
special purposes: presenting God's commandments as a way of life and the
formation of a right conscience.
	To the young man who asked him what he had to do in order to attain
eternal life, Jesus replied: "If you would enter life, keep the
commandments" (Matthew 19:17). After listing the ones that concern love for
one's neighbour, Jesus summed them up in this positive formulation: "You
shall love your neighbour as yourself" (Matthew 19:19).  In order to
present the commandments as God's gift (written by his hand, cf. Exodus 31:
18), expressing the Covenant with him, confirmed by Jesus' own example, it
is very important for the adolescent not to separate the commandments from
their relationship with a rich interior life, free from selfishness.112

95.	As its departure point, the formation of conscience requires being
enlightened about: God's project of love for every single person, the
positive and liberating value of the moral law, and awareness both of the
weakness caused by sin and the means of grace which strengthen us on our
path towards the good and towards salvation.
	"Moral conscience, present at the heart of the person" - which is "man's
most secret core and sanctuary", as the Second Vatican Council affirms,113
"enjoins him at the appropriate moment to do good and to avoid evil.  It
also judges particular choices, approving those that are good and
denouncing those that are evil.  It bears witness to the authority of truth
in reference to the supreme Good to which the human person is drawn, and it
welcomes the commandments".114
	In fact, "conscience is a judgement of reason whereby the human person
recognizes the moral quality of a concrete act that he is going to perform,
is in the process of performing, or has already completed".115 Therefore,
the formation of conscience requires being enlightened about the truth and
God's plan and must not be confused with a vague subjective feeling or with
personal opinion.

96.	In answering children's questions, parents should offer well-reasoned
arguments about the great value of chastity and show the intellectual and
human weakness of theories that inspire permissive and hedonistic
behaviour.  They will answer clearly, without giving excessive importance
to pathological sexual problems. Nor will they give the false impression
that sex is something shameful or dirty, because it is a great gift of God
who placed the ability to generate life in the human body, thereby sharing
his creative power with us.  Indeed, both in the Scriptures (cf. Song of
Songs 1-8; Hosea 2; Jeremiah 3: 1-3; Ezekial 23, etc.) and in the Christian
mystical tradition,116 conjugal love has always been considered a symbol
and image of God's love for us.

97.	Since boys and girls at puberty are particularly vulnerable to
emotional influences, through dialogue and the way they live, parents have
the duty to help their children resist negative outside influences that may
lead them to have little regard for Christian formation in love and
chastity.  Especially in societies overwhelmed by consumer pressures,
parents should sometimes watch out for their children's relations with
young people of the opposite sex - without making it too obvious.  Even if
they are socially acceptable, some habits of speech and conduct are not
morally correct and represent a way of trivializing sexuality, reducing it
to a consumer object.  Parents should therefore teach their children the
value of Christian modesty, moderate dress, and, when it comes to trends,
the necessary autonomy characteristic of a man or woman with a mature
personality.117

3. Adolescence in One's Plan in Life

98.	In terms of personal development, adolescence represents the period of
self-projection and therefore the discovery of one's vocation. Both for
physiological, social and cultural reasons, this period tends to be longer
today than in the past.  Christian parents should "educate the children for
life in such a way that each one may fully perform his or her role
according to the vocation received from God".118 This is an extremely
important task which basically constitutes the culmination of the parents'
mission.  Although this task is always important, it becomes especially so
in this period of their children's life: "Therefore, in the life of each
member of the lay faithful there are particularly significant and decisive
moments for discerning God's call...  Among these are the periods of
adolescence and young adulthood".119

99.	It is very important for young people not to find themselves alone in
discerning their personal vocation. Parental advice is relevant, at times
decisive, as well as the support of a priest or other properly formed
persons (in parishes, associations or in the new fruitful ecclesial
movements, etc.) who are capable of helping them discover the vocational
meaning of life and the various forms of the universal call to holiness.
"Christ's 'Follow me' makes itself heard on the different paths taken by
the disciples and confessors of the divine Redeemer".120

100.	For centuries, the concept of vocation was reserved exclusively for
the priesthood and religious life.  In recalling the Lord's teaching, "You,
therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew
5:48), the Second Vatican Council renewed the universal call to
holiness.121  As Pope Paul VI wrote shortly after the Council: "This strong
invitation to holiness could be regarded as the most characteristic element
in the whole Magisterium of the Council, and so to say, its ultimate
purpose."122  This was reiterated by Pope John Paul II: "The Second Vatican
Council has significantly spoken on the universal call to holiness.  It is
possible to say that this call to holiness is precisely the basic charge
entrusted to all the sons and daughters of the Church by a Council which
intended to bring a renewal of Christian life based on the gospel.123  This
charge is not a simple moral exhortation, but an undeniable requirement
arising from the mystery of the Church".124
	God calls everyone to holiness.  He has very precise plans for each
person, a personal vocation which each must recognize, accept and develop.
To all Christians -priests, laity, married people or celibates - the words
of the Apostle of the Nations apply: "God's chosen ones, holy and beloved"
(Colossians 3: 12).

101.	Therefore, in catechesis and the formation given both within and
outside of the family, the Church's teaching on the sublime value of
virginity and celibacy must never be lacking,125 but also the vocational
meaning of marriage, which a Christian can never regard as only a human
venture. As St. Paul says "This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference
to Christ and the church." (Ephesians 5:32).  Giving young people this firm
conviction is of supreme importance for the good both of the Church and
humanity which "depend in great part on parents and on the family life that
they build in their homes".126

102.	Parents should always strive to give example and witness with their
own lives to fidelity to God and one another in the marriage covenant.
Their example is especially decisive in adolescence, the phase when young
people are looking for lived and attractive behaviour models.  Since sexual
problems become more evident at this time, parents should also help them to
love the beauty and strength of chastity through prudent advice,
highlighting the inestimable value of prayer and frequent fruitful recourse
to the sacraments for a chaste life, especially personal confession.
Furthermore, parents should be capable of giving their children, when
necessary, a positive and serene explanation of the solid points of
Christian morality such as, for example, the indissolubility of marriage
and the relationship between love and procreation, as well as the
immorality of premarital relations, abortion, contraception and
masturbation. With regard to these immoral situations that contradict the
meaning of giving in marriage, it is also good to recall that: "The two
dimensions of conjugal union, the unitive and the procreative, cannot be
artificially separated without damaging the deepest truth of the conjugal
act itself".127 In this regard, an in-depth and reflective knowledge of the
documents of the Church dealing with these problems will be of valuable
assistance to parents.128
103.	Masturbation particularly constitutes a very serious disorder that is
illicit in itself and cannot be morally justified, although "the immaturity
of adolescence (which can sometimes persist after that age), psychological
imbalance or habit can influence behaviour, diminishing the deliberate
character of the act and bringing about a situation whereby subjectively
there may not always be serious fault".129 Therefore, adolescents should be
helped to overcome manifestations of this disorder, which often express the
inner conflicts of their age and, in many cases, a selfish vision of
sexuality.

104.	A particular problem that can appear during the process of sexual
maturation is homosexuality, which is also spreading more and more in
urbanized societies.  This phenomenon must be presented with balanced
judgement, in the light of the documents of the Church.130 Young people
need to be helped to distinguish between the concepts of what is normal and
abnormal, between subjective guilt and objective disorder, avoiding what
would arouse hostility. On the other hand, the structural and complementary
orientation of sexuality must be well clarified in relation to marriage,
procreation and Christian chastity. "Homosexuality refers to relations
between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant
sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex.  It has taken a great
variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures.  Its
psychological genesis remains largely unexplained".131 A distinction must
be made between a tendency that can be innate and acts of homosexuality
that "are intrinsically disordered"132 and contrary to Natural Law.133
	Especially when the practice of homosexual acts has not become a habit,
many cases can benefit from appropriate therapy. In any case, persons in
this situation must be accepted with respect, dignity and delicacy, and all
forms of unjust discrimination must be avoided.  If parents notice the
appearance of this tendency or of related behaviour in their children,
during childhood or adolescence, they should seek help from expert
qualified persons in order to obtain all possible assistance.
	For most homosexual persons, this condition constitutes a trial. "They
must be accepted with respect, compassion and sensitivity. Every sign of
unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.  These persons are
called to fulfil God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to
unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may
encounter from their condition".134 "Homosexual persons are called to
chastity".135

105.	Awareness of the positive significance of sexuality for personal
harmony and development, as well as the person's vocation in the family,
society and the Church, always represents the educational horizon to be
presented during the stages of adolescent growth.  It must never be
forgotten that the disordered use of sex tends progressively to destroy the
person's capacity to love by making pleasure, instead of sincere
self-giving, the end of sexuality and by reducing other persons to objects
of one's own gratification.  In this way the meaning of true love between a
man and a woman (love always open to life) is weakened as well as the
family itself. Moreover, this subsequently leads to disdain for the human
life which could be conceived, which, in some situations, is then regarded
as an evil that threatens personal pleasure.136 "The trivialization of
sexuality is among the principal factors which have led to contempt for new
life. Only a true love is able to protect life".137

106.	We must also remember how adolescents in industrialized societies are
preoccupied and at times disturbed not only by the problems of
self-identity, discovering their plan in life and difficulties in
successfully integrating sexuality in a mature and well-oriented
personality. They also have problems in accepting themselves and their
bodies.  In this regard, out-patient and specialized centres for
adolescents have now sprung up, often characterized by purely hedonistic
purposes.  On the other hand, a healthy culture of the body leads to
accepting oneself as a gift and as an incarnated spirit, called to be open
to God and society. A healthy culture of the body should accompany
formation in this very constructive period, which is also not without its
risks.
	In the face of what hedonistic groups propose, especially in affluent
societies, it is very important to present young people with the ideals of
human and Christian solidarity and concrete ways of being committed in
Church associations, movements and voluntary Catholic and missionary
activities.

107.	Friendships are very important in this period.  According to local
social conditions and customs, adolescence is a time when young people
enjoy more autonomy in their relations with others and in the hours they
keep in family life.  Without taking away their rightful autonomy, when
necessary, parents should know how to say "no" to their children138 and, at
the same time, they should know how to cultivate a taste in their children
for what is beautiful, noble and true.  Parents should also be sensitive to
adolescents' self-esteem, which may pass through a confused phase when they
are not clear about what personal dignity means and requires.

108.	Through loving and patient advice, parents will help young people to
avoid an excessive closing in on themselves. When necessary, they will also
teach them to go against social trends that tend to stifle true love and an
appreciation for spiritual realities: "Be sober, be watchful. Your
adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking some one to
devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experience of
suffering is required of your brotherhood throughout the world. And after
you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you
to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, establish, and
strengthen you." (1 Peter 5: 8-10).

4. Towards Adulthood

109.	It is not within the scope of this document to deal with the subject
of proximate and immediate preparation for marriage, required for Christian
formation and particularly recommended by the needs of the times and Church
teaching.139 Nevertheless, it must be kept in mind that the parents'
mission does not end when their children come of legal age which, in any
case, varies according to different cultures and laws. Some particularly
significant moments for young people are also when they enter the working
world or higher education, moments when they come into contact with
different behaviour models and occasions that represent a real personal
challenge -a brusque contact at times, but a potentially beneficial one.

110.	By keeping open a confident dialogue that encourages a sense of
responsibility and respects their children's legitimate and necessary
autonomy, parents will always be their reference point, through both advice
and example, so that the process of broader socialization will make it
possible for them to achieve a mature and integrated personality,
internally and socially. In a special way, care should be taken that
children do not discontinue their faith relationship with the Church and
her activities which, on the contrary, should be intensified.  They should
learn how to choose models of thought and life for their future and how to
become committed in the cultural and social area as Christians, without
fear of professing that they are Christians and without losing a sense of
vocation and the search for their own vocation.
	In the period leading to engagement and the choice of that preferred
attachment which can lead to forming a family, the role of parents should
not consist merely in prohibitions, much less in imposing the choice of a
fianc or fiance.  On the contrary, they should help their children to
define the necessary conditions for a serious, honourable and promising
union, and support them on a path of clear and coherent Christian witness
in relating with the person of the other sex.

111.	Parents should avoid adopting the widespread mentality whereby girls
are given every recommendation regarding virtue and the value of virginity,
while the same is not required for boys, as if everything were licit for
them.
	For a Christian conscience and a vision of marriage and the family, St.
Paul's recommendation to the Philippians holds for every type of vocation:
"...whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is
pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellency,
if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things"
(Philippians 4:8).

VII
PRACTICAL GUIDE-LINES

112.	In the context of education in the virtues, parents thus have the task
of making themselves the promoters of their children's authentic education
for love.  Through its very nature, the primary generation of a human life
in the procreative act must be followed by the secondary generation,
whereby parents help their child to develop his or her own personality.
	Therefore, summing up what has been said so far and putting it on a
practical level, whatever is set out in the following paragraphs is
recommended.140

Recommendations for Parents and Educators

113.	It is recommended that parents be aware of their own educational role
and defend and carry out this primary right and duty.141 It follows that
any educative activity, related to education for love and carried out by
persons outside the family, must be subject to the parents' acceptance of
it and must be seen not as a substitute but as a support for their work. In
fact, "Sex education, which is a basic right and duty of parents, must
always be carried out under their attentive guidance whether at home or in
educational centres chosen and controlled by them."142   Frequently parents
are not lacking in awareness and effort, but they are quite alone,
defenceless and often made to feel they are wrong. They need understanding,
but also support and help by groups, associations and institutions.

1. Recommendations for Parents
114.	1. It is recommended that parents associate with other parents, not
only in order to protect, maintain or fill out their own role as the
primary educators of their children, especially in the area of education
for love,143  but also to fight against damaging forms of sex education and
to ensure that their children will be educated according to Christian
principles and in a way that is consonant with their personal development.

115.	2. In the case where parents are helped by others in educating their
own children for love, it is recommended that they keep themselves
precisely informed on the content and methodology with which such
supplementary education is imparted.144  No one can bind children or young
people to secrecy about the content and method of instruction provided
outside the family.

116. 	3. We are aware of the difficulty and often the impossibility for
parents to participate fully in all supplementary instruction provided
outside the home. Nevertheless, they have the right to be informed about
the structure and content of the programme. In all cases, their right to be
present during classes cannot be denied.145

117.	4. It is recommended that parents attentively follow every form of sex
education that is given to their children outside the home, removing their
children whenever this education does not correspond to their own
principles.146   However, such a decision of the parents must not become
grounds for discrimination against their children.147   On the other hand,
parents who remove their children from such instruction have the duty to
give them an adequate formation, appropriate to each child or young
person's stage of development.

2. Recommendations for All Educators

118.	1. Since each child or young person must be able to live his or her
own sexuality in conformity with Christian principles, and hence be able to
exercise the virtue of chastity, no educator - not even parents - can
interfere with this right to chastity (cf. Matthew 18: 4-7).148

119.	2. It is recommended that respect be given to the right of the child
and the young person to be adequately informed by their own parents on
moral and sexual questions in a way that complies with his or her desire to
be chaste and to be formed in chastity.149  This right is further qualified
by a child's stage of development, his or her capacity to integrate moral
truth with sexual information and by respect for his or her innocence and
tranquillity.

120.	3. It is recommended that respect be given to the right of the child
or young person to withdraw from any form of sexual instruction imparted
outside the home.150 Neither the children nor other members of their family
should ever be penalized or discriminated against for this decision.


Four Working Principles and Their Particular Norms

121. 	In the light of these recommendations, education for love can take
concrete form in four working principles.

122.	1. Human sexuality is a sacred mystery and must be presented according
to the doctrinal and moral teaching of the Church, always bearing in mind
the effects of original sin.
	Informed by Christian reverence and realism, this doctrinal principle must
guide every moment of education for love. In an age when the mystery has
been taken from human sexuality, parents must take care to avoid
trivializing human sexuality, in their teaching and in the help offered by
others. In particular, profound respect must be maintained for the
difference between man and woman which reflects the love and fruitfulness
of God himself.

123.	At the same time, when teaching Catholic doctrine and morality about
sexuality, the lasting effects of original sin must be taken into account,
that is to say, human weakness and the need for the grace of God to
overcome temptations and avoid sin. In this regard, the conscience of every
individual must be formed clearly, precisely and in accord with spiritual
values. But Catholic morality is never limited to teaching about avoiding
sin. It also deals with growth in the Christian virtues and developing the
capacity for self-giving in the vocation of one's own life.

124.	2. Only information proportionate to each phase of their individual
development should be presented to children and young people.
	This principle of timing has already been presented in the study of the
various phases of the development of children and young people. Parents and
all who help them should be sensitive: (a) to the different phases of
development, in particular, the "years of innocence" and puberty, (b) to
the way each child or young person experiences the various stages of life,
(c) to particular problems associated with these stages.

125.	In the light of this principle, the relevance of timing in relation to
specific problems can also be indicated.
	(a) In later adolescence, young people can first be introduced to the
knowledge of the signs of fertility and then to the natural regulation of
fertility, but only in the context of education for love, fidelity in
marriage, God's plan for procreation and respect for human life.
	(b) Homosexuality should not be discussed before adolescence unless a
specific serious problem has arisen in a particular situation.151  This
subject must be presented only in terms of chastity, health and "the truth
about human sexuality in its relationship to the family as taught by the
Church."152
	(c) Sexual perversions that are relatively rare should not be dealt with
except through individual counselling, as the parents' response to genuine
problems.

126.	3. No material of an erotic nature should be presented to children or
young people of any age, individually or in a group.
	This principle of decency must safeguard the virtue of Christian chastity.
Therefore in passing on sexual information in the context of education for
love, the instruction must always be "positive and prudent"153  and "clear
and delicate".154  These four words used by the Catholic Church exclude
every form of unacceptable content in sexual education.155
	Moreover, even if they are not erotic, graphic and realistic
representations of childbirth, for example in a film, should be made known
gradually, so as not to create fear and negative attitudes towards
procreation in girls and young women.

127.	4. No one should ever be invited, let alone obliged, to act in any way
that could objectively offend against modesty or which could subjectively
offend against his or her own delicacy or sense of privacy.
	This principle of respect for the child excludes all improper forms of
involving children and young people. In this regard, among other things,
this can include the following methods that abuse sex education: (a) every
"dramatized" representation, mime or "role playing" which depict genital or
erotic matters, (b) making drawings, charts or models etc. of this nature,
(c) seeking personal information about sexual questions156 or asking that
family information be divulged, (d) oral or written exams about genital or
erotic questions.

Particular Methods

128.	Parents and all who help them should keep these principles and norms
in mind when they take up various methods which seem suitable in the light
of parental and expert experience.  We will now go on to single out these
recommended methods. The main methods to avoid will also be indicated,
together with the ideologies that promote and inspire them.

(a) Recommended Methods

129.	The normal and fundamental method, already proposed in this guide, is
personal dialogue between parents and their children, that is, individual
formation within the family circle. In fact there is no substitute for a
dialogue of trust and openness between parents and their children, a
dialogue which respects not only their stages of development but also the
young persons as individuals. However, when parents seek help from others,
there are various useful methods which can be recommended in the light of
parental experience and in conformity with Christian prudence.

130.	1. As couples or as individuals, parents can meet with others who are
prepared for education for love to draw on their experience and competence.
These people can offer explanations and provide parents with books and
other resources approved by the ecclesiastical authorities.

131.	2. Parents who are not always prepared to face up to the problematic
side of education for love can take part in meetings with their children,
guided by expert persons who are worthy of trust, for example, doctors,
priests, educators. In some cases, in the interest of greater freedom of
expression, meetings where only daughters or sons are present seem
preferable.

132.	3. In certain situations, parents can entrust part of education for
love to another trustworthy person, if there are matters which require a
specific competence or pastoral care in particular cases.

133.	4. Catechesis on morality may be provided by other trustworthy
persons, with particular emphasis on sexual ethics at puberty and
adolescence. Parents should take an interest in the moral catechesis which
is given to their own children outside the home and use it as a support for
their own educational work. Such catechesis must not include the more
intimate aspects of sexual information, whether biological or affective,
which belong to individual formation within the family.157

134.	5. The religious formation of the parents themselves, in particular
solid catechetical preparation of adults in the truth of love, builds the
foundations of a mature faith that can guide them in the formation of their
own children.158  This adult catechesis enables them not only to deepen
their understanding of the community of life and love in marriage, but also
helps them learn how to communicate better with their own children.
Furthermore, in the very process of forming their children in love, parents
will find that they benefit much, because they will discover that this
ministry of love helps them to "maintain a living awareness of the 'gift'
they continually receive from their children."159  To make parents capable
of carrying out their educational work, special formation courses with the
help of experts can be promoted.

(b) Methods and Ideologies to Avoid

135.	Today parents should be attentive to ways in which an immoral
education can be passed on to their children through various methods
promoted by groups with positions and interests contrary to Christian
morality.160  It would be impossible to indicate all unacceptable methods.
Here are presented only some of the more widely diffused methods that
threaten the rights of parents and the moral life of their children.

136.	In the first place, parents must reject secularized and anti-natalist
sex education, which puts God at the margin of life and regards the birth
of a child as a threat. This sex education is spread by large organizations
and international associations that promote abortion, sterilization and
contraception. These organizations want to impose a false lifestyle against
the truth of human sexuality. Working at national or state levels, these
organizations try to arouse the fear of the "threat of over-population"
among children and young people to promote the contraceptive mentality,
that is, the "anti-life" mentality.  They spread false ideas about the
"reproductive health" and "sexual and reproductive rights" of young
people.161  Furthermore, some antinatalist organizations maintain those
clinics which, violating the rights of parents, provide abortion and
contraception for young people, thus promoting promiscuity and consequently
an increase in teenage pregnancies. "As we look towards the year 2000, how
can we fail to think of the young? What is being held up to them? A society
of 'things' and not of 'persons'. The right to do as they will from their
earliest years, without any constraint, provided it is 'safe'. The
unreserved gift of self, mastery of one's instincts, the sense of
responsibility - these are notions considered as belonging to another
age."162

137.	Before adolescence, the immoral nature of abortion, surgical or
chemical, can be gradually explained in terms of Catholic morality and
reverence for human life.163
	As regards sterilization and contraception, these should not be discussed
before adolescence and only in conformity with the teaching of the Catholic
Church.164  Therefore the moral, spiritual and health values of methods for
the natural regulation of fertility will be emphasized, at the same time
indicating the dangers and ethical aspects of the artificial methods. In
particular, the substantial and deep difference between natural methods and
artificial methods will be shown, both with regard to respect for God's
plan for marriage as well as for achieving "the total reciprocal
self-giving of husband and wife"165 and openness to life.

138.	In some societies professional associations of sex-educators,
sex-counsellors and sex-therapists are operating. Because their work is
often based on unsound theories, lacking scientific value and closed to an
authentic anthropology, theories that do not recognize the true value of
chastity, parents should regard such associations with great caution, no
matter what official recognition they may have received.  When their
outlook is out of harmony with the teachings of the Church, this is evident
not only in their work, but also in their publications which are widely
diffused in various countries.

139.	Another abuse occurs whenever sex education is given to children by
teaching them all the intimate details of genital relationships, even in a
graphic way. Today this is often motivated by wanting to provide education
for "safe sex", above all in relation to the spread of AIDS. In this
situation, parents must also reject the promotion of so-called "safe sex"
or "safer sex", a dangerous and immoral policy based on the deluded theory
that the condom can provide adequate protection against AIDS. Parents must
insist on continence outside marriage and fidelity in marriage as the only
true and secure education for the prevention of this contagious disease.

140.	One widely-used, but possibly harmful, approach goes by the name of
"values clarification". Young people are encouraged to reflect upon, to
clarify and to decide upon moral issues with the greatest degree of
"autonomy", ignoring the objective reality of the moral law in general and
disregarding the formation of consciences on the specific Christian moral
precepts, as affirmed by the Magisterium of the Church.166  Young people
are given the idea that a moral code is something which they create
themselves, as if man were the source and norm of morality.
	However, the values clarification method impedes the true freedom and
autonomy of young people at an insecure stage of their development.167  In
practice, not only is the opinion of the majority favoured, but complex
moral situations are put before young people, far removed from the normal
moral choices they face each day, in which good or evil are easily
recognizable. This unacceptable method tends to be closely linked with
moral relativism, and thus encourages indifference to moral law and
permissiveness.

141.	Parents should also be attentive to ways in which sexual instruction
can be inserted in the context of other subjects which are otherwise useful
(for example, health and hygiene, personal development, family life,
children's literature, social and cultural studies etc.).  In these
situations it is more difficult to control the content of sexual
instruction. This method of inclusion is used in particular by those who
promote sex instruction within the perspective of birth control or in
countries where the government does not respect the rights of parents in
this field.  But catechesis would also be distorted if the inseparable
links between religion and morality were to be used as a pretext for
introducing into religious instruction the biological and affective sexual
information which the parents should give according to their prudent
decision in their own home.168

142.	Finally, as a general guide-line, one needs to bear in mind, that all
the different methods of sexual education should be judged by parents in
the light of the principles and moral norms of the Church, which express
human values in daily life.169  The negative effects which various methods
can produce in the personality of children and young people should also be
taken into account.

Inculturation and Education for Love

143.	An authentic education for love must take account of the cultural
context in which the parents and their children live. As a union between
professed faith and concrete life, inculturization means creating a
harmonious relationship between faith and culture, where Christ and his
Gospel have absolute precedence over culture. "Therefore, because it
transcends the entire natural and cultural order, the Christian faith is,
on the one hand, compatible with all cultures insofar as they conform to
right reason and good will, and, on the other hand, to an eminent degree,
is a dynamizing factor of culture. A single principle explains the totality
of relationships between faith and culture: Grace respects nature, healing
in it the wounds of sin, comforting and elevating it. Elevation to the
divine life is the specific finality of grace, but it cannot realize this
unless nature is healed and unless elevation to the supernatural order
brings nature, in the way proper to itself, to the plenitude of
perfection."170  Therefore, explicit and premature sex education can never
be justified in the name of a prevailing secularized culture. On the
contrary, parents must educate their own children to understand and face up
to the forces of this culture, so that they may always follow the way of
Christ.

144.	In traditional cultures, parents must not accept practices which are
contrary to Christian morality, for example rites associated with puberty
which sometimes involve introducing young people to sexual practices or
acts contrary to the dignity and rights of the person, such as the genital
mutilation of girls. Thus the authorities of the Church are to judge
whether local customs are compatible with Christian morality. But, the
traditions of modesty and reserve in sexual matters, which characterize
various societies, must be respected everywhere. At the same time, the
right of young people to adequate information must be maintained.
Furthermore, the particular role of the family in such a culture must be
respected,171 without imposing any Western model of sex education.
VIII
CONCLUSION

Assistance for Parents

145. 	There are various way of helping and supporting parents in fulfilling
their fundamental right and duty to educate their children for love. Such
assistance never means taking from parents or diminishing their formative
right and duty, because they remain "original and primary", "irreplaceable
and inalienable".172    Therefore, the role which others can carry out in
helping parents is always (a) subsidiary, because the formative role of the
family is always preferable, and (b) subordinate, that is, subject to the
parents' attentive guidance and control.  Everyone must observe the right
order of cooperation and collaboration between parents and those who can
help them in their task. It is clear that the assistance of others must be
given first and foremost to parents rather than to their children.

146.  	Those who are called to help parents in educating their children for
love must be disposed and prepared to teach in conformity with the
authentic moral doctrine of the Catholic Church.  Moreover, they must be
mature persons, of a good moral reputation, faithful to their own Christian
state of life, married or single, laity, religious or priests.  They must
not only be prepared in the details of moral and se